[Please note: this is a joke, a parody of the ridiculous stories about lettuce and courgette rationing that are currently hitting the UK headlines]
A veg crisis is looming in Caversham.
"We’ve got chard, cavolo nero and curly kales coming out of our ears! Despite the heavy frosts and rain they just won’t stop growing. And now the sprouting broccoli have sprung into life” claims local gardener Karen Blakeman.
But there are more problems on the horizon. “It’s the brussel sprouts" says Ms Blakeman. "We’ve been eating large sprouts and sprout tops for nearly two months. But now we have the smaller ones to finish off, blown sprouts have started erupting everywhere, and fresh leaves are sprouting from where we cut the tops. It’s never ending.”
Ms Blakeman says they could be eating brassicas and winter leaves from the garden for at least another two months, and she is getting desperate.“I’m running out of ideas. I have only 135 gourmet recipes left to try out”